The last time I was writing a blog like this may have been last fall, late or early October. The months have blurred together so I don’t remember when it happened exactly, but I left a place I called my second home. I had big dreams of creating my own studios and writing my books, but that all collapsed by a few spoken words from someone I trusted.
It’s taken me a few months, but I’m past all of that now. The social media ride has been up and down, though. I’ve been present but then just dropped it all cold. Here I am in early March, trying to pick up blogging again. This time on a platform called Beehiiv. I’m not sure how I like it because typing on this site is a nightmare. The text editor can’t always keep up with my typing, but most text editors online can’t when you're a writer, lol.
What’s funny is that I posted those same two paragraphs for a different blog on Substack. I tried it for the hundredth time and had the same response. You’d think after several times of not liking a blog because of accessibility and UX issues, that I wouldn’t go back. I keep going back because it’s where a lot of other writers are.
I want to be a part of that community, and that’s why I keep haunting the same locations. Where the double-edged sword strikes is that even when you're part of a community, no one cares. Since I left that sacred second home in October, I have not had interaction with another person beyond my family and co-workers. Until recently, I was playing LOTRO (Lord of the Rings Online) but that has slowly died out because of unfavorable game changes and other factors in our lives. So now I just sit in my room alone, either writing, illustrating, or playing ESO (Elder Scrolls Online). I want people, but people don’t want me.
And don’t get me wrong. I go places. I go to arcades, bookstores, the mall, and places with busy people, but no one ever stops to say hi. No one pulls up a chair and asks you to stay a little longer or to hang out next week. Is there something wrong with me or the world around me?
So this is what it’s been like. Me chasing my tail of desires, wants, and broken, lonely dreams. I don’t want to turn this into another depressed blog on an author’s life of “woe is me” kind of thing. The point of this blog is to get things off my shoulders and to show others I’m just like you with all of your problems. I don’t know how to fix the problems I have, but I’ll take them one at a time.
What I’ve done about this is to move away from Substack and a lot of other internet locations I was chasing because the writing community was there. I’ve outgrown the Writing Community as a writer and into that special multi-trade area where the stories I make are defining the true me. I’m building my community, not of writers, but of people who want to read hard-hitting tales while still having fun with it. Part of that is sharing who I am through blogs and videos, too. It’s why I write in a combination of sci-fi, fantasy, and horror because they bring what I need to tell what I need to say.
Life is hard. I don’t have to start it more than once, but now there’s a blog to show the journey I am taking. That’s a reason to stay around, right? I’m sure I’ll figure out how to add a little fun into the mix.
Thanks for reading.